Saturday, April 10, 2010

Speaking Mum's Love Language

Last Saturday when I was back to Batu Pahat for Ching Ming, Mum told me that recently she had been experiencing occasional chest discomfort and shortness of breath. Since I was working in Melaka, she asked me to find out which private hospital was specialized in cardiac problems.

I talked to YT about it during tea that night. She suggested that Mum would go to a hospital in Batu Pahat for a first diagnosis. Thursday morning at work, I asked my colleague SS who was often back to Alor Setar to accompany her mother for checkups. Her opinion was the same.

I telephoned Mum later. She was alone at home. My brother Seng had just left for Penang for a two-day trip with his friend. She had also sought advice from two of her acquaintances who had gone through heart treatments, both of whom said the similar thing like YT and SS. They provided her with a piece of useful information: A cardiologist from Hospital Pantai Ayer Keroh gave consultation at Hospital Pantai Batu Pahat on Tuesdays and Fridays.

I asked Mum if she would go to the one in our hometown either on her own or accompanied by one of our family members during any of those two weekdays. Having heard about the sudden passing of my friend Ah Ban's father at the graveyard, despite his two doctor children, and worrying that her symptoms might be warnings of a heart attack, Mum formed negative thoughts and started to cry while talking to me. I remained calm and tried to comfort her that I would arrange a day to bring her as soon as possible.

"Are you coming back this weekend?" Having just seen me four days earlier, she was actually aware that I normally only appeared at the house again at least two or three weeks later. So she immediately answered on my behalf, "I knew you won't be back."

I felt bad after hanging up. I thought of my busy schedule with my work, my duties, my church, my appointments of meetings, my trips to other places, my involvements in social work, etc. I had even just spent some time paying attention to a kitten. But where was Mum in the picture?

Since I had no class on Fridays, I suddenly had an idea to take leave so that I could bring her to the hospital in Batu Pahat the next day. SS who came to my office strongly supported my plan.

"Even if your mother doesn't say anything when she sees you, she'll actually be very happy in her heart."

Fifteen minutes later, I called Mum again to tell her I had decided to go back either early the next morning or Thursday itself. From her tone, I knew she was in a good surprise. She preferred me to be home that evening.

After I settled everything in Melaka, I began my two hours' driving journey to the South. The previous occasions I was back to Batu Pahat with such a short gap between two returns was when I had learned about Dad's falling into coma before his passing four years ago. I used to think that I only shed sad tears for Dad. This time, they flowed for Mum who was also in a vulnerable situation.

I also remembered recently when I was researching Matthew 19:29 in the Bible Gateway website to convince myself that I should leave Mum alone, I came across more verses reminding me that I should honour my father and mother. Then I thought of Mum who never condemned me for not worshiping before Dad's shrine. As I was the only follower of Christ in my family, I had all the reasons to let Mum feel cared and loved while she was in this world, not when she was gone.

When I reached home, Mum was cooking dinner. She always enjoyed moments to share dishes with us. I was glad to be able to keep her in company that evening.

Yesterday , I brought her to the hospital. After the diagnosis, the specialist concluded that she had no typical symptoms of a heart attack and only prescribed medicine for her stomach.

I thank God for answering my prayer for this positive result and most of all, for teaching me to speak one of Mum's love languages--spending quality time with her.

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