How Could I Know Who To Marry?

When Dad was around, he used to say to me, "This so and so is a single lady. That so and so too... They seem to live their lives well. It's better for you to remain single than to simply marry any man." I bore this in mind.

However, he never told me what kind of man I should be looking for to be my future husband. I thought as long as I liked the person and the person liked me, I could consider him.

A few years ago, a colleague gave me a booklet by RBC Ministries "How Can I Know Who To Marry?".

There were biblical principles to be applied-- 1.Choose a believer, 2. Trust God for His timing, 3. Consider character qualities including willingness to serve, humility, sexual purity, devotion to Christ, right priorities, right beliefs, commitment to church, loving attitude, self-control, honesty, beauty below the skin, responsibility, good relationship with parents, 4. Use wisdom to look in the appropriate place, ask the Lord for help, don't base your decision on one "sign", seek advice, 5. Think Ahead of God's view of marriage, the responsibilities of the husband and the wife, sexual faithfulness and distinctive roles. I bore this in mind.

Later during an evangelical meeting, a speaker shared that she had prayed for a future husband who would love God more than love her. I bore this in mind.

In Richard's classes, I learnt that love is not a feeling, but a decision, that a real man should reject passivity, accept the responsibilities, lead courageously and expect higher reward from God. I bore this in mind.

I also read another book "Boundaries In Marriage" by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John  Townsend. I realised that as a complete person, I wasn't to marry "the other half", but another complete person who also has the ability to connect emotionally, be vulnerable and share feelings, have an appropriate sense of power and assertiveness, say no, have initiative and drive, have at least a minimal amount of organization, be real, but not perfect, accept imperfections and have grace and forgiveness, grieve, think for oneself and express one's opinions, learn and grow, take risks, grasp and use his talents, be responsible and follow through, be free and not controlled by external or internal factors, be sexual, be spiritual, have a moral sense and have an intellectual life. I bore this in mind.

In end of 2010 I read Elisabeth Elliot's "Passion And Purity". The author wrote that as she was growing up, her mother advised her to let her suitors do the chasing. Her father counseled his four sons never to say "I love you" to a woman until they were ready to follow immediately with "Will you marry me?" Nor should they think of saying "Will you marry me?" unless they had first said "I love you." How much pain and confusion would be averted if men followed that rule. I bore this in mind.

In 2011, I knew who to marry.